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Friday, November 03, 2006
I figured I would write this before going to bed simply
because I am not really all that tired yet. I feel a little off-ish in
fact I feel down right sick but I'm just not ready to crash under the
covers. Anyway, these past few days have been pretty exciting.
Tuesday
was Halloween and it was actually a lot of fun. I went
trick-or-treating with Hayley, Leah, Aaron, Carly, Hannah, Karin then
Robert and Brenton joined us on the way home. Speaking of the walk home
we were coming back from Parkers Ridge and Brenton and Robert or
actually it was Brenton who thought it would have been funny to pop out
of no where. Carly and I were both so freaking scared. It was
hilarious. You had to have been there. Back to trick-or-treating, we
went around the neighborhood skipping a bunch of houses for some random
reason and I got a bunch of candy. I gave it to Carly though. I don't
know why but I did. Then after we finished trick-or-treating we sat in
the Graefe's front yard for a while and talked and threw candy at
eachother and did some cartwheels. That was fun. I haven't done a
cartwheel in so long. It was great.
Oh, I had to go to All
Saints Day mass and the sermon was very enlightening. Father Mosimon
talked about how you don't have to be cannonized by the Pope to be
considered a saint but that he baptized these little babies the other
day who passed away and in his eyes those are saints. Saints can also
be the people in this world who actually care, who put their family and
friends and the needs of others before their own. If everyone in the
world was like that the world would be a much better place. I wish I
could be more like that because it would bring me closer to God for one
and I could help so many people. Its true, saints don't have to be
people who were cannonized and have feast days but they can be everyday
people, dead or alive. Its so true.
Other than that nothing
really eventful has happened. I mean school has been pretty awesome. I
can't believe the first quarter is over already. Report cards are
coming out this month. Its scary to think about. I'm almost half way
done with my Junior year. I don't have that much time left. Only about
7 quarters left in my actual high school career. Its scary to think
about. I remember being in kindergarten and always wanting so much to
be the "big kid" for once then I got there and I want to go back to
being that little 5 year old girl who didn't have a care in the world.
It just feels like time is zooming by.
So I have All-district
auditions on Tuesday. I'm ready but I'm not ready. I'm having a slight
issue with the song. I keep cracking when I jump from the F to the C. I
think its an F either way my voice just cracks. Either that or I go
flat on the note. Or I just don't hit the note at all. It all depends.
I guess it'll all work out in the end. I am really nervous about it
though. I mean I really want to get into this because it'd be really
cool. Mrs.Riley says I could but I don't have the mentality for it. I
need to get my spirit up and tell myself positive thoughts. Positive
thoughts, positive thoughts. Someone smack me if I start thinking
pessimistically.
Well I think that's it for now. I'm pushing
tired after my 3 hours of sleep last night. I think I've crossed the
border past tired. Just me. One last thing before I sign off for
tonight, drama is simply Fantasmic! I love it! hahaha The Tempest is
going to be so awesome. At least I hope so. Mrs.Wilson may have a crazy
idea of how she wants this show but its going to be so awesome. I just
know it. Praying for all of you of course. Praying for myself as well.
Oh and if no one here watched the Grey's Anatomy episode tonight, then
you missed the most amazing thing. It was so freaking awesome. Well I'm
signing off now. I'll see most of you tomorrow.
Posted at 01:33 pm by energyball
Permalink
Monday, October 30, 2006
Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore . . .
. . . because the word God" is mentioned....a kid in Arizona wrote the attached NEW School prayer.
I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
witchcraft, vampires, and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Posted at 11:31 am by energyball
Permalink
| So first off a little story about what I did last night.
Me
and my hot roomate had some friends of mine over last night, a couple
guys and a couple girls for some drinks and a movie. Well, halfway
through our evening my roomie comes over to me and says "Hey, that
Julie girl is pretty cute and I think she likes you, you should hit
that!"
And of course, I respond with the requisite, yeah,
probably, we'll see. (translated: no, I don't wanna fuck a girl right
now, especially a friend)
But ok, as the night progresses,
somehow the three of us ended up sprawled on the couch during the
movie. It was pretty much an Alex sandwich, wich was a little wierd for
me, but what the hell.
La dee da, the evening continues, we're
drunk, my guy friends leave. So its just me, the roomie, and the 2
girls. Roomate says goodnight, goes into his room, girls immediatly
start talking about how "fucking hot" he is. (it's true so I don't
blame them) So then Julie, gets up, walks into my roomates bedroom and
they had sex. All night. (mind you, she just met him tonight, and has
never done anything like this before and isn't a slut) Then the other
girl gets on the phone with one of the guys who just left and starts
talking about how much she wants to date him.
Here I sit. All the fuck alone. Hating myself.
Now, there are several things that anger me, and a couple of points I want to make.
1)
I'm not mad that Julie and my roomie had sex. I didn't want to sleep
with her, and he did. I'm mad that he would suggest she might like me
and that I should sleep with her, and then he does it. Nice,
Thanks!!!!!
2) I hate the fact that I'm not jealous of him. I'm jealous of her. I want him. Can't have him. But such is life.
3)
I have shown no animosity toward either of them. However, my roomie has
been walking on pins and nails all day as if I must be upset with him.
Any normal straight guy would be pissed. Should I pretend to be so my
facade is plausible?
4) I miss being as beautiful as he is. I
haven't been able to get someone to want me just because I look so good
in years, and I'm only 20. What the hell?
5) Its SOOOOOO hard to
be closeted. I don't want to do it anymore. But I'm not coming out. I
want to just be straight. Maybe I can be? Maybe I should just stop
being gay. Maybe?
And thats how that went. I'm going to bed now, its gonna be a hard week. |
Posted at 11:25 am by energyball
Permalink
Sunday, October 15, 2006
| I
met a guy at Va Pride. Hes a senior and lives off campus and hes sort
of your Greek God type. We talked for a while and he asked if Id like
to go to a movie or something on Friday. I said yes and he said do you
want to come by my place first? And I said would it be ok if you came
to the dorm and picked me up? He said ok and I told him the building
and number.
It wasnt till later that I realized that Greek
godlike or not, I dont really want to go out with him. I dont really
like him. Hes sort of a creepo. So I called him and made excuses and
left it at something like "maybe another time." I also realized that
the only reason I said yes in the first place, and the reason I wanted
him to come to the dorm to get me was that I was hoping somebody else
who lives here might see me going out with a Greek godlike guy. And I
donno...maybe this other guy would get jealous.
I hate it when I find myself doing something that small.
In
other newz, heres a cool story from right here at Mr. Jeffersons
University. You may have seen this on the news last week. UVa bought a
bunch of old books from this private collection of a family in New
England. And they were being arranged and cataloged by a grad student
before they were going to be displayed here. The grad student was going
thru the old books and opened this book of poetry by Robert Frost, and
saw that there was an inscription by Frost himself in the cover of the
book. And then he saw that it wasn't just an inscription. It was a
whole poem, handwritten and signed by Robert Frost and dated 1918. The
poem was about a friend of his who was killed in WWI. And here's the
amazing part--it had never been published! Nobody except the man who
owned that book had ever seen it before!
88 years sitting inside this book, waiting for the right person to open it.
Awesome.
I'll
probly spend Friday nite in my little cave in the stacks lol. Unless
theres a Greek godlike guy who isnt a creepo who wants to go out with
me haha. |
Posted at 02:05 pm by energyball
Permalink
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Loving each other--It CAN be a good thing
| Wow,
when I think about being in love with Dustin and how our relationship
is really working, I feel sad when I read where others are having
problems with their relationships.
Okay, so we haven't been
together but for a couple of months, but it just keeps getting better
and better. Yes, we don't see eye-to-eye on everything (like ketchup
and mayonnaise hahaha), but on the important things we do take the time
to talk things out and that seems to settle it.
I think talking,
just communicating up front, must be really important in a
relationship. Not internalizing things is really important. And Dustin,
in the past, has been one to keep things inside and very private. But
he is working hard to talk about things that bother him early on. I
never have been one to hold things in very long. So we work to keep
everything out in the open so things don't get clogged up inside us and
cause a problem later on.
And I have found that our open
communication helps in more than just keeping problems out of our
relationship. It helps me see just how much he loves me, and that is so
important to me. My self image has not always been very healthy, but
knowing he loves me and is committed to our relationship helps me a lot
with that.
It just feels so good to go to bed at night and know
the person I am holding loves me, believes in me, and really cares
about everything that impacts me. it means that I can be transparent
with him.
If you are in a relationship that is one of those that
is rocky, try to open up the lines of communication. Spend some quality
time with your lover just talking to him. Be sure to take ownership of
things that bother you and not just try to persuade him that he is
wrong.
Okay, maybe I am not a real authority on relationships,
but I know this works. And if you are having problems, don't be afraid
to get help. I think there are a lot of professionals here who ARE
authorities on relationship building. Talk to them.
Oh, and BTW,
what Dustin said about not doing to well on Saturday is a crock! In the
films, it showed just how good a game he did play. So don't let him
bullshit you about not being good. |
Posted at 06:23 am by energyball
Permalink
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Do these chaps make my me look fat?
No, it’s your ass that makes you look fat. Actual
dialogue from backstage at a leather contest. And no, it wasn’t from
me. It’s kind of when I decided that maybe, just maybe, this whole
leather thing wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Before
I go any further. Let me say that these are MY observations and MY
feelings. I don’t mean to piss anyone off in the leather community by
painting with a broad brush. I’m just saying that in my years being
involved with the community, the decline I witnessed, and that I will
be speaking of is my own sense and vision.
I first got
involved with “leather play” at the ripe old age of (again, younger
than legally able to serve our country). A married guy that I was
“dating” asked if it would be OK if he tied me up. Sure, what the hell.
And it sort of snowballed from there. I didn’t become involved in the
“leather community” though until 1990. This was a transforming time for
it. Many clubs were changing from pay and play to community activism.
Many members were dying at a much too young age from AIDS and no one
seemed to give a shit. The leather community mobilized and many clubs,
at least the ones I was familiar with became key players in fund
raising and assisting those affected by this horrible disease, no
matter what their orientation. I jumped in both feet first. It was fun.
I got to do a lot of good, and I got to get a lot of good sex. For
several years, I was proud to be a part of the community and didn’t
mind working my ass of for it, and the good works it was doing. I even
made the decision, that surprisingly went over fairly well, that I was
going to start doing drag as a way to earn more funds for the community
services that assisted those with AIDS. I was fab-u-lous. A big guy,
turned into a big gurl. I was Iona Trailer, Queen of the Doublewides.
At first it seemed like I was Sybil. Leatherman by day, Drag Queen by
night. Reality was though… I wasn’t a leatherman. A good, close friend
of mine who was a LEATHERMAN asked me one time if I considered myself a
leatherman. He had a way of reading your mind, and not once did I ever
try to bullshit him. I said no, I wasn’t. He said he knew. He said I
was a pig, and leathermen just looooooooved pigs. But I digress…
In
the late 90’s something happened. Leather became more of a fashion
statement. A lot of the clubs began holding local, regional, state, and
national leather contests. It became less and less about the character
and quality of a person, and more about how well he filled out a pair
of 501’s and chaps. There were several title holders about that didn’t
have a clue as to what the history of the community was, where it began
and came from, or even the most rudimentary skills required for
flinging a flogger correctly, or dripping hot wax without causing
serious damage. Also during this time, some members f the community, on
the local and national level began to raise themselves up as pillars of
Leatherdom. Some deserved it. Some did not. Some earned the respect
they commanded, and others felt it was their destiny, by doing nothing
other than pointing out their own importance. My LEATHERMAN friend
listened to my compalints and concerns and told me that the only thing
that was important was for me to stand up for my own ideals. That if I
was willing to bear the brunt of some serious backlashes, in the long
run it would show my character, and theirs. So I did. I tried to
integrate our club to the leatherwomen who had been so supportive of
our club. I tried to insure that the pledges coming in had an idea of
what the history was. I tried to point out that leather was not, and
should not be about being pretty. And I paid a price. And I didn’t
care. I could look at myself in the mirror, and know I was standing up
for my ideals, not bowing to the pressure of some self adulating, self
appointed keeper of the status-quo. I left the leather community and
never looked back. I didn’t wish them ill will. I wished them success,
and continued growth, but without me.
Since then, most of the
clubs I had known have since seen their ranks shrink. Leather contests
are fewer, and a feeling of lets get together, party and fuck is slowly
returning to the community as it was in the pre 90’s. I wish them well.
Now, less serious… Hankie Codes. Could you just scream? When I
first came out, there was Black, Grey, Red, Yellow, Dark Blue, Light
Blue, White, and Brown. Very easy to distinguish. You’re in a bar,
sucking on a Bud (the beer, not the guy… or, well, maybe the guy too…)
and you see a hot number that’s just your style walk by. Jeez, I wonder
if he’s a top or a bottom. One gander at his ass and you’d know not
only what he was, but what he was into. Red left meant you were going
to be sitting on his lap playing Charlie McCarthy. Light blue right
meant you were going to probably have to pull your dick off his
tonsils. Grey right meant you were going to have to stop at Home Depot
on the way home and pick up some clothesline. Then it came to pass, we
started into shades. Like, uhmmm, I’m color blind. I can tell red, I
can tell brown. I can’t tell the difference between apricot, orange and
coral. We won’t even go into the fuchsia, mauve, lavender, purple, dark
pink, magenta family. And wash a yellow hankie once and POOF, it’s
light yellow, and someone spitting in your face, instead of pissing in
it. DON’T JUDGE ME 
And I’m sorry, but apricot is the most stupid color of all. I don’t
have to wear an apricot hankie in my left pocket to let everyone know
I’m a chubby. And that skinny little man chasing after me with a 50
count box of Dunkin Donuts Munchkins does not need an apricot hankie in
his right pocket to let me know he’s chubby chaser. (Goddess bless his
soul) And the worst mistake of all. NEVER, EVER wash a green hankie
with a black t-shirt. It turns brown, and the next thing you know you
got some guy wanting to do to you what you yell at the dog for doing on
the carpet. Now it’s moved into objects. Toothbrushes, teddy bears,
cupie dolls, sandwich bags. SANDWICH BAGS! Puh-leeeza Gibbons… Here’s a
nice idea. You see a hottie. You walk up and offer to buy him a drink.
You talk. Jeez, no I never considered having someone put both their
hands up my ass and clapping. Havta go now. No dark red hankie needed.
Or, yeah, I really would like to fuck you for 6 straight hours, my
place OK? No dark blue hankie or toothbrush required.
If you
want to pee yourself, read this little anecdote. My best friend and I
were attending a leather run. The guy I was dating at the time (the
aforementioned confused gay/bi/top/bottom guy) decided he was going to
enthrall the after hours party with a display of his topping talents.
My friend and I assumed the position and he began to flog us with his
200 dollar black leather gold lame trimmed flogger. My friend was
attempting to light a cigarette because he was so bored, so I lit it
for him and handed it to him during a break in my flogging, which he
began to smoke and blow smoke rings. I fell asleep. Yup. Fell asleep
while being flogged. Not only that, but I snored, and drooled. My
boyfriend was furious. My friend had to wake me up, and the playroom
sounded like a night at the Improv. It wasn’t much after that when my
boyfriend became my ex… oh, and a bottom.
I do miss those fun
days in the leather community. Some of the funniest things happened in
my time there. The time I got my head stuck in a window on the 11th
floor of the Holiday Inn, Thomas Circle in Washington DC being a
wiseass, wrapping my head in Christmas twinkle lights and singing Don’t
Cry For Me Argentina out the window and had to have maintenance come up
to remove the pane. The time I knocked a tooth loose when I was rimming
a guy and my hand slipped in some lube and my face hit the floor. The
time my best friend and I discovered we were blowing each other in a
massive pile of men. The time I actually decided to top someone and in
the dark reached for the lube and discovered a half an hour later it
was Bacitracin. Or the time I got totally shitfaced, picked up what I
thought was a really hot trick, broght him back to the hotel room and
proceeded to schtook like bunnies all night, only to wake up and see
Quasi-Moto laying there. Well, not Quasi-Moto, but a defintate
departure from the man I had seen the night before through my Bacardi
soaked vision. My best friend laying in the next bed, non-chalantly
smoking a Marlboro, at seeing my distress calmly said “Honey, ugly men
have penises too. You just increased your Karma 10 fold”. Luckily for
me, he was an extremely nice guy, someone I’m glad I got to be friends
with, and someone I still see once in awhile to this day. And while he
may not be the most attractive person on the planet, just like me,
Quasi-Moto he is not. My Karma did raise 10 fold because I got to have
him as my friend. (luv ya, H.)
Be happy
Posted at 11:57 am by energyball
Permalink
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